Supporting Others Through Grief at Christmas, and Being Kind to Ourselves Too

Christmas can be a difficult time for many people. While it is often associated with celebration, connection and tradition, it can also intensify feelings of loss.

It is often estimated that around one in four people are grieving at any one time. At Christmas, that experience can feel sharper. The absence of someone who should be there. Traditions that no longer feel the same. The pressure to be cheerful when you are anything but.

Grief at this time of year is not only about bereavement. It can also relate to other forms of loss. Changes in health. Relationship breakdown. Miscarriage or fertility struggles. Dementia. The gradual loss of familiar roles or routines. Grief is about change and disruption, and Christmas has a way of highlighting what has shifted.

During Grief Awareness Week, I held several workplace sessions, including two gentle Seeds of Hope sessions. What emerged again and again was not a need for perfect words or grand gestures. Instead, people spoke about small moments that had stayed with them.

Someone saying a name, rather than avoiding it.
A quiet message checking in.
An offer of help that did not require an immediate response.
Being included, without pressure to participate.

These simple acts were often described as having a bigger impact than anything else.

For those supporting someone who is grieving, this can be reassuring. Supporting someone at Christmas does not mean knowing what to say or how to fix things. Often, it means noticing and responding with care.

That might look like acknowledging that Christmas may be hard. Allowing someone to opt out without explanation. Keeping invitations open and flexible. Remembering that grief does not disappear because it is a holiday.

It is also important to remember those who are grieving themselves.

Several people reflected that what mattered most was feeling validated, without needing to explain their feelings or justify their reactions. Grief can bring exhaustion, irritability, sadness, numbness or moments of joy that then feel confusing. All of these responses are normal.

Being kind to yourself at Christmas might mean lowering expectations. Changing traditions. Creating space for rest. Or allowing yourself moments of connection alongside moments of withdrawal.

Perhaps the most important reminder from these reflections is that grief is not something to be fixed, especially at Christmas. It is something to be carried, and sometimes shared.

Whether you are supporting someone else, or navigating your own grief this Christmas, small, thoughtful acts can matter more than we realise. Presence. Gentleness. Remembering that we are all human, doing the best we can in a season that can be hard for many.

Christmas does not have to look a certain way. It can be shaped to fit what you need this year.

A still winter morning on the River Tyne, with moored boats and the city skyline reflected in calm water, including the Millennium Bridge and the Sage Gateshead as daylight begins to rise.